


Just Keep Me Guessing, Please

by writtendlessly



Category: Sorted (Website) RPF
Genre: M/M, boys who don't talk about their feelings enough, gratuitous use of commas and italics, mike says cool too much
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-12-11
Updated: 2018-12-11
Packaged: 2019-09-16 09:25:46
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,736
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16951392
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/writtendlessly/pseuds/writtendlessly
Summary: James has a boyfriend and suddenly Mike's entire world is changing.





	Just Keep Me Guessing, Please

For a group of men who spend most of their time together, they don’t talk about dating as much as you would expect. Even with the other staff members included, the topic isn’t anyone’s first choice when it comes to chit-chatting between takes. There’s always new Youtube rules, new Sorted events, and, occasionally, the latest celebrity gossip to talk about. Of course, they’re all close friends, so any major changes in love life are normally discussed, but rarely is there the kind of blow-by-blow date recaps they used to do so much in college.

That being said, nobody’s love life or lack thereof is really a surprise to anyone else. The crew regularly hear about Jamie’s lessening date nights as his children take up more of his time. They nearly went crazy listening to Barry discussing every possible thing that could go wrong when he proposed, and later, when he was planning the wedding. Ben isn’t much of a casual dater, but when he came by one time with a guy he’d been seeing for a few months, there was no shocked reaction. The main boys had known since before Ben had went to university, and the rest of the staff tend to find out one way or another.

The point is: Mike did not see this coming.

It’s a fairly cool September afternoon when James declares (well, as much of a declaration as he can do with how generally soft-spoken he is) that he is bringing by someone he’s been dating so they can see what he does for a living. That in and of itself is a bit of a surprise, but nothing revolutionary.

There’s a wolf whistle from Jamie, some teasing from Barry, and Ben says kindly, “I’m glad to be able to meet them.”

James smiles appreciatively at his fellow chef, simple muttering a, “Thanks,” before sliding his headphones on and getting back to work.

A few hours later the doorbell rings, and James jumps up before anyone else can even react. He heads to the door and everyone else starts taking off headphones and rolling back their chairs from their desks in anticipation.

Mike had his guesses about what this girl would look like. Probably petite, with long blond hair and a beautiful smile. Or maybe someone more contrasting with James: a tall woman with short brown hair and enough sarcastic remarks to give anyone a run for their money.

The person who walked through the door was neither of those things. In fact, it was a _man_.

Ben was the first to kindly shake the man’s hand and introduce himself. Barry and Jamie quickly followed afterwards with a few jokes at James’ expense. Mike lingered behind, just staring.

Not only was James’ date a man, but he was one of the most handsome men Mike had ever seen. He was a tall, broad man with dark hair and beautiful tanned skin. When he smiled, two small dimples appeared on his cheeks and they were even more pronounced when he laughed, beautifully of course, revealing his perfectly straight, white teeth. He was about as tall as James and nearly as handsome as him too. (And _wow_ that’s a thought Mike will have to address later—and by address later he means suppress immediately.)

Mike, his mind reeling, gives a quick “hello!” and a wave before muttering something about getting some fresh air and heading outside. He needs to get away before he starts hyperventilating, or worse, screaming.

After what feels like an hour of analyzing and re-analyzing (but was probably more like five minutes), Ben comes outside to join him, dressed rather inappropriately for the cold weather in just his chef’s jacket.

“Are you doing alright?” Ben asks, giving him a quick once-over. “You look ill.”

When Mike doesn’t respond, Ben puts his wrist across Mike’s forehead to check his temperature. It’s altogether ineffective as Ben was cold enough that any part of Mike would feel warm, but Mike appreciates the mom-like gesture anyway. After another minute, Mike finally responds with, “Did you _know?_ ”

Ben frowns a little in confusion. “Did I know what?”

“About,” Mike falters, not sure what he is so worked up about anyway. “About _James_.”

“He told us that he was bringing by a date this morning,” Ben responds, starting to shiver a little and rub his hands together. Mike rolls his eyes and removes his jacket, draping it over Ben before the other man can protest.

“Right, a date,” Mike says, turning back to look out at the road and avoiding Ben’s eyes. “Like, a nice girl he met from a friend or an old girlfriend from high school he reconnected with at a bar.”

Ben contemplates the examples for a moment and cautiously responds, “Or a chef and part-time model he met just before graduating from college.”

Mike frowns. The guy is a _chef_ , too? As if he couldn’t get any more perfect.

“It’s just- I wasn’t expecting _him_.” Mike gestures vaguely at the air in front of him.

“You weren’t expecting him or you weren’t expecting _a_ him?” Ben asks, his tone turning a little darker at seemingly discovering the root of Mike’s problem.

Mike cringes a little at how he sounds but gives a tentative, “Both?”

Ben turns to fully face him even as Mike is studiously staring out at the cars driving by. Ben tries to start his sentence a few times before he settles on, “What is the problem, Mike?”

Another few moments of silence and Mike decides to just be brave and say it. “I didn’t know James liked _boys_.”

Ben’s tone turns annoyed and sarcastic. “And?”

“Look, it’s not a problem, you know that,” Mike gives a quick glance and a weak smile Ben’s way before turning away once again. “But like—Why didn’t I know? _How_ didn’t I know? What about all the girls he’s been with in the past?”

“You can like both, Mike,” Ben says in a rather patronizing tone, as if he has had to explain this same issue many times before.

“I _know_ ,” Mike responds with exasperation. “Of all people, I know! Trust me.”

“Of all people…” Ben begins.

Mike finally turns to fully face Ben and spits out, so quickly it’s barely understandable, “I like both too, okay?”

Ben looks mildly surprised before schooling his expression back into a small smile. Before he can respond, Mike continues, his face getting a little pink, “Yeah yeah, I know. Congrats. Welcome to the club. Let’s trade boy secrets later. Blah blah blah. But just—James!”

When Ben doesn’t respond, Mike feels compelled to continue.

“I guess it makes sense. He shouldn’t leave all that handsome to just one gender, he should share it with the world. And of course he can bag a model because he’s _James_ , of course he can.” Ben’s eyebrows raise but he stays silent. “But I didn’t know! And you knew! Did Jamie and Barry know? Did _everyone_ know? Why didn’t I know? Why didn’t he say something? This is the same guy who got mad when I tried to sit on a loveseat with him!” 

Ben finally opens his mouth to say, “You haven’t said anything either.”

Mike stops his rambling at that, looking a little embarrassed as he responds, “That’s different.”

Another eyebrow raise from Ben.

“It is! I’m just fucking around! Just… seeing what’s out there. Expanding my horizons. I’m not— I’m not parading handsome men around the office.”

“No one would care if you did.”

“That’s not the _point_ , Ben!”

Ben sighs in frustration. “Then what _is_ the point, Michael? James has a boyfriend and you didn’t know this before, but now you do. What is the problem?”

Mike slumps back against the wall of their building. “I don’t actually know.”

 

 

 

Inside the office, James is unaware of Mike’s turmoil and Ben’s attempts at solving it. Him and his date, Sebastian, are standing around the kitchen set, chatting idly with Barry about what Sorted Food actually _is_ and what they do in videos. James was a little miffed that Sebastian hadn’t seen any of their videos, even after James sent him the link and everything, but otherwise he is pleased with how the day was going.

They’re in the middle of showing off the FridgeCam refrigerator when Mike and Ben come strolling back in, letting in a blast of cool air from outside. Mike stumbles a little as if he was pushed and makes his way to the group.

“Real, uh— Real cold out there,” Mike says in greeting. Sebastian frowns a little bit at the random comment but sticks out his hand anyway, introducing himself to Mike.

“Hello, I’m Sebastian,” he says with a bright smile and a, in Mike’s opinion, much too firm handshake. And don’t even get Mike started on his _name_.

“Mike.” Mike pulls his hand back and sticks both in his sweater pockets.

“We were just showing him around the set,” Barry offers in explanation, already giving Mike a knowing look that means there’s an impending Serious Conversation in Mike’s future.

“Oh, cool.” Mike responds. He looks at James who is slightly pink in embarrassment but smiling nonetheless. “Cool.”

“Sebastian is a chef too,” Barry adds. “James met him at school.”

At the sound of his name, James finally speaks up. “We found each other again on Facebook, of all places.”

Sebastian smiles, putting his arm around James shoulder, “I missed my shot the first time, couldn’t miss it again.”

Mike wants to roll his eyes at the affection but can already feel the pain of Ben smacking him with a spatula later for being so rude, so he resists. Instead he just says, “Oh, cool. I have some editing to do actually so I’m just gonna… go do that,” and heads off to his desk.

Barry watches him as he goes and says, “He's usually a lot more charming, I swear.”

Mike can hear them laugh as he puts on his headphones.

 

 

 

An hour later, Ben is setting up his mise en place for a chicken noodle soup recipe (inspired by his brief trip in the cold with Mike that day) while Mike is adjusting camera settings. He is going to be in the video, but he can’t resist messing about with cameras and lighting in his quest for perfection, even if he won’t actually be filming.

Between the two of them, there is a distinct lack of chatting and jokes but neither comments on it.

The recording goes well, with a lower than average amount of outtakes, until Mike suggests the whole office comes to taste the soup. The suggestion came in the middle of a perfect take, so nobody wants to ruin it by saying no. Barry, Jamie and James shuffle in closest to the camera, with a few editors trailing behind. Everyone takes a spoonful and “ooh”s and “ahh”s at the taste.

“This would be perfect to make for a date,” Mike suddenly says, with the slightest emphasis on the word ‘date’.

Nobody responds at first, mouths full, until Ben swallows and says, “Uh, I guess— If they were sick you could bring it to them.”

“Or just any date,” Jamie adds, wiggling his eyebrows. “Impress them with your soup slurping skills.”

Mike looks at James and, feeling compelled to respond, James says, “Yeah. Maybe not a first date, but definitely a second or third.”

“Or a fifth or sixth,” Mike responds, his tone staying neutral and generally making things weird.

Ben, ever the professional, decides to wrap up the video before it gets even stranger. “No matter who you make this for, they are sure to love it. Make sure you upload your pictures to the Sorted website if you make it.”

“And tell us down below what kind of bread would be perfect to dip into this soup,” Jamie says through a mouthful of the crusty bread Ben had put next to the soup for aesthetics.

“Like, comment and subscribe!” Barry exclaims, and someone behind them calls “cut!”.

As everyone disperses back to their workstations, Ben gives Mike an undecipherable look. Mike makes a purposely ugly face back and walks off to a couch to play on his phone (Ben would describe it as sulking), leaving the cleaning for Ben as always.

 

 

 

That night James receives a text just as he’s settling into bed.

SEB: I don’t think your friends liked me. :(

JAMES: They did!

SEB: Okay, specifically one friend.

James thinks back to the meeting between Sebastian and Mike, and how strange the man had acted the whole day. He doesn’t have much of an explanation to give.

JAMES: He was probably just ill. He’s normally the friendliest guy in the office.

SEB: If you say so…

JAMES: He’s a nice guy, don’t worry. I’ll talk to him.

James feels slightly guilty as he hits send because he really has no intention of ever talking about this with Mike again. James would describe himself as a pretty good listener and always a shoulder to cry on, but something about this entire situation makes him feel uneasy. Mike really _was_ a friendly, nice guy. Even when someone brings in the most annoying, deplorable date, Mike was always trying to make them feel comfortable and laugh. None of the previous dates that James has brought by have never gotten such a cold shoulder. What the hell happened today?

James ignores the buzzing of his phone as a thought comes to him, immediately telling himself it’s stupid. The thought persists, however, and James worries he could be right after all.

All the other dates James had ever introduced to Mike had been women.

 

 

 

 

The next day has everyone on edge from the second they walk in the door. Nobody could deny the weird way Mike had acted all day, and a repeat performance was the last thing anybody wanted. It didn’t help that he seemed to be taking his time coming into work that day, so the whole office was there before him, trying their best to avoid gossiping like teenagers. (Though, admittedly, there was a bit of gossip nonetheless.)

But when Mike rolls in at half past ten he is nothing but smiles and his usual easy charm. He brings donuts as an apology for being late and they’re all gone in about 15 minutes. When someone throws out a “Wild night made you sleep in?” from the small crowd of donut-lovers, Mike just smiles slyly but doesn’t deny it.

James contemplates if maybe Mike really _was_ sick yesterday. Barry abandons his plan to have a Serious Conversation with him. Everybody moves on.

And yet, somewhere in the pantry behind a stack of silicone bakeware, Ben feels the worst is yet to come.

 

 

 

The next day has Mike coming in later than usual again. And the one after that too. The fourth day has Jamie pacing around the set in an uncharacteristic show of anger and Barry re-working his Ultimate Battle recipe so many times that it only barely resembles the brief anymore.

It gets to the point where Barry has to send a passive-aggressive email to the whole office on the fifth day explaining that, “While we have lenient hours and generally no rules, there’s a little thing called _courtesy_ that some people should remember.”

Each day Mike acts just as he normally does, with maybe a bit more charming smiles and a whole lot more hangovers and hickeys.

The weekend passes and Mike comes in on Monday wearing a worn-out leather jacket that is so unlike him it causes laughter as soon as anyone sees it. He can’t stop himself smirking when he explains that, oh, he must have grabbed the wrong jacket on his way out that morning, it’s all a bit hazy, you see.

Before anyone even asks, Mike explains in a sad tone to Ed (who is only barely listening), “Now my jacket is in some random guy’s apartment and who knows if I’ll ever see him again.”

Barry whips around in his chair at the comment but Mike isn’t looking in his direction to notice the incredulous look. Barry meets Ben’s eyes when he turns back around and suddenly he has the same feeling of impending doom that Ben also has.

 

 

 

BAZ: You busy?

MIKE: kindA

BAZ: Look

BAZ: We want to get a couple episodes filmed in one day tomorrow so could you make sure you get in early?

MIKE: ill tryy

BAZ: Is everything alright?

MIKE: [photo attachment] peachy ;)

Barry feels nervous as his taps the picture Mike sent, the image opening up to cover his whole screen. He has to turn his brightness up to the max to make out the details of the dark picture, but when he does, he wishes he never opened it at all.

The photo has Mike grinning at the camera, the background dark but clearly a sort of bar or club given the bottles lining the wall. There’s a distinctly male figure behind him, pressed against his back with a possessive hand splayed across his stomach. Barry can’t tell if the photo was just a drunken mistake or some sort of intentional message and frankly, he doesn’t want to know. He closes his messages without responding and decides it’s a ‘go to bed early’ kind of night.

 

 

 

Mike is aware that he’s annoying the others but he really doesn’t care. Or rather, he _does_ care, painfully so, but there is something even stronger compelling him to go out every night in search of a quick lay. He hasn’t felt like this since he was in his teens and he still can’t decide if it bothers him or not. Mostly he feels numbed by alcohol and adrenaline, with a generous portion of guilt any time he comes stumbling in later than the others.

Even now, he’s conflicted between feeling embarrassed by the picture he sent Barry and feeling excited by the strong hands that haven’t let him go all night. He hadn’t been lying to Ben about “expanding his horizons”, but he feels like he is way past just trying something new and into full-blown obsession. Maybe James and his date put this into motion, but Mike was pleasantly surprised at how _good_ other guys were. Like, _incredible_. (And, great, now he’s drunk and thinking about James as his… date? conquest? presses him into the wall.) Sure, Mike had been attracted to men before and would even call himself bisexual, but hooking up was the one step he couldn’t bring himself to make until lately. And boy, was he missing out all those years.

When Ben had first come out to him, Mike had even asked him why men and not women. Ben spluttered and turned pink but not once did he reveal the secrets that Mike has recently discovered. Frankly, he’s a little annoyed that Ben was keeping all the fun for himself.

 _Ah well_ , Mike thinks as his neck and collarbone get scratched up by stubble, _no time like the present_.

If all his hookups just _happen_ to be bearded and tall, it must be a coincidence.

 

 

 

Come tomorrow morning at 9am, Mike still hasn’t showed up. Jamie has called him about twenty times and sent twice as many texts, but there is still no response. Barry is halfway out the door, planning to go to Mike’s apartment and give him an earful in person, when Mike blearily trudges his way in. He doesn’t even have apologetic donuts this time, just a weak smile and a slightly slurred, “Let’s get started then.”

Ben huffs a little but doesn’t say anything, starting to take ingredients out of cupboards and the fridge to set up for the first video of the day.

Jamie looks at Mike’s disheveled appearance, notices the way he still smells of smoke and alcohol and asks, unable to keep the annoyance out of his voice, “What the hell were you doing last night? It’s only fucking Tuesday.”

Barry _knows_ what Mike was doing, but keeps quiet.

“Ah, y’know,” Mike says, grinning a bit in Jamie’s direction despite the other man’s annoyed look. “Went out.”

“Right,” Jamie moves closer and makes a point of sniffing the air rather loudly, “Obviously.”

“I’m here, alright? Get off my nuts,” Mike snaps, going to sit at the edge of the set to watch Ben set up, hoping that he doesn’t have a starring role in the first video.

James, who Mike hadn’t even noticed yet, finally pipes up with an authoritative, albeit soft, voice and says, “Let’s just start the video.”

 

 

 

Mike, thankfully, just had to watch and give some comments during the recipe, and then make a few pleased noises when he was tasting it. He’s not sure why they even needed him for this one, but he doesn’t want to risk breaking the calm (but undeniably tense) atmosphere by bringing up a topic that could start an argument.

Jamie suggests changing the schedule to do a Chef & Normals Review next, leaving Mike and him with nothing to do as Ben and Barry provide commentary for James’ reviews. 

Mike was planning on a quick nap on the sofa but Jamie corners him before he even has a chance to sit down. Jamie doesn’t speak at first, just staring at him expectantly. Mike imagines this is how he looks at his children when they do something bad, and Mike resents being treated like a child.

“What?” He finally asks, after a minute or two of silent staring.

Jamie asks, in a hushed voice, “What the hell is going on with you?”

Mike expected this. “I don’t know what you mean.”

“You know exactly what I mean,” Jamie shoots back, but then immediately calms his voice down again. “Is something wrong? You can talk to me.”

Mike only just manages to stop himself from rolling his eyes. He hated these talks from his dad growing up and he hates them even more from his Office Dad. “There’s nothing _going on_. I’m single, I’m free, I’m having fun.”

Jamie doesn’t say anything, knowing the silence will make Mike speak, especially given that he seems still halfway drunk.

“I’m _serious_ , it’s nothing! Can’t a guy go get laid without an interrogation? Not everyone wants to settle down with babies or a model boyfriend, alright?”

 _And there it is_ , Jamie thinks. “Is that what this is about?” Jamie pauses. “James?”

“What about him? Just because he likes dudes now means I can’t like dudes either? I liked them first,” Mike has started rambling at this point, but Jamie doesn’t try to stop him. “I was the token bisexual disaster of Sorted before he was even old enough to start dating. And aren’t you guys always telling me to settle down? I’m just exploring my options before I decide.”

Jamie doesn’t really understand what Mike is trying to tell him, but he nods sagely anyway. Mike seems to realize who he’s talking to and what he said at that point, and he promptly shuts his mouth and turns to look away.

“Hey,” Jamie says gently, and Mike turns to look at him again. “Whatever is going on in that head of yours, we’re all here for you.”

Mike scoffs, but Jamie continues, “Seriously. We’re annoyed, yeah, but we’re mostly concerned because this is really unlike you. If you need some time off or something just let us know.”

“I’m fine,” Mike responds, voice a lot quieter and less frantic now. “I’ll stop going out during the week.”

Jamie smiles, “Thanks. Can you promise me one other thing?”

Mike wants to say no, he honestly does, but Jamie is given him his best loving friend look and using his dad voice and Mike finds it hard to disappoint him. “Sure.”

“Please go talk to James.”

 

 

 

Despite Jamie staring expectantly at Mike anytime he was within 6 feet of James, he doesn’t actually talk to him until almost two weeks later.

The night after Jamie’s talk, however, Mike went to the liquor store for a bottle of something strong instead of going straight home. He figured drinking alcohol in his own home wasn’t technically “going out”, so he wasn’t exactly breaking his promise. Honestly, he needed something strong to be able to actually look himself in the mirror and figure out what the hell he was doing. Because as much as he acts put together and confident, he wasn’t joking when he called himself a disaster. He played indifferent when talking to Jamie but he was really just as confused as the guys were.

So here he is, three shots of fireball in, ready to spent the night arguing with himself out loud and probably crying a bit, then crawling onto his couch to sleep and forget it ever happened. It’s a process he knows all too well.

This time, he even puts on some music from James’ work playlist on Spotify. It’s mostly instrumentals from movie soundtracks but it seemed like the best choice at the time when he snapped open his laptop a little too forcefully looking for something to drown out the silence of his apartment.

“What am I doing?” Mike wonders out loud, over the faint sound of string instruments frantically playing the soundtrack to what was likely a fight scene. He plops down heavily on his sofa, bottle of fireball in hand, and starts talking.

“This shit with James was never supposed to be a problem,” he starts. “Like, he’s handsome, yeah, but he’s not the first hot guy I’ve ever met. There was a time I thought _Ben_ was hot!”

It wasn’t anything serious, but extended time together and Ben’s incessant innuendoes had stirred a few thoughts in Mike’s head. Over time the feeling had faded away, replaced with a platonic fondness and a desire to see Ben with someone absolutely perfect for him, which Mike definitely was not.

“But James is just... James. Why is he different?”

Mike can recall every gentle hand on the small of his back, every time they were squeezed together in the backseat with not even a centimeter of space between them, every time James smiled at him, eyes scrunched up in joy, blinding Mike and leaving him lost for words, unable to do anything but smile back. It was always different with James, wasn’t it?

The first time they met, James had had a girlfriend, and Mike was disappointed but not heartbroken. He didn’t even have time to get properly attached before discovering he was straight and off limits. But they broke up, James went out on a few rebound dates, and then he had remained single for years. From then on, he never mentioned dates or hookups or even which female celebrity he thought was the hottest, and Mike’s traitorous heart started to think he had a chance. Then James shows up with a boyfriend and suddenly Mike realized that James _was_ going on dates, but just not telling anyone. It wasn’t lying, but it still kind of felt like it.

Mike had known the others the longest but during the time Sorted had existed, he feels like he grew closest to James. Maybe because they were the newest members, technically, or because they were both a little bit more sarcastic, more grumpy, more in need of a rest after being on camera all day when the others were still so full of energy. To be kept out of such an important part of James’ life had really hurt.

And then there was the boyfriend himself.

“ _Sebastian_ ,” Mike says with all the resentment and sarcasm he could put into one word.

This boyfriend was honestly gorgeous, and probably talented too if he graduated from the same college as James and Ben. He was friendly from what little Mike saw of him, and obviously got along with everyone else just fine. Beautiful, successful and similar life experiences—how could anyone compete with that?

“How could _I_ compete with that?”

For so long Mike suppressed any feelings he had. He ignored the way his heart pounded when James had to share his mic in a video, the other man so close to his neck and chest that he could feel his breath. He ignored his shaky hands whenever James smiled and complimented him, even as the others would point out how terrible his chopping was. He ignored any desire at all to kiss boys or date boys and life was _fine_ , honestly, until suddenly it very much wasn’t.

“And now it’s too fucking late,” Mike mutters, taking a swig of the bottle in his hand and then immediately regretting it as it burns its way down his throat. “Not that I ever had a chance to begin with.”

James never would have gone for someone like him anyway, so he should just suck it up and move on. There’s no use in crying over something that never happened and never would. What interest would James possibly have in him? Mike the mess, Mike the token of bad luck, Mike the only one who can’t multitask, can’t sit still, can’t settle down and grow up.

The music changes to something slow and sad and Mike laughs, though there’s no joy in the sound.

“Maybe I should just,” he starts, but he can’t finish saying it. _Maybe I should just quit_. It’s not the first time the thought has come to him, but it’s the first time the idea sounds even remotely desirable. He dismisses the idea as soon as it comes but the sick feeling in his stomach that always comes around when he thinks of leaving doesn’t diminish.

He takes another drink and opens his phone, texting one of the guys he met last week before he can talk himself out of it.

 

 

 

When Mike finally makes good on his promise to Jamie, it’s nearly the end of October. The temperature had dropped substantially compared to a few weeks ago and Ben swears he saw a few snowflakes on his way in that day.

Mike doesn’t want to have a conversation with James, and with the way the man has been ignoring him it seems James didn’t want to either, but it just sort of happens. The other three decide to go out for lunch, taking a lot of the staff with them, but Mike and James stay behind. They’re not alone, there’s still a few editors and camera operators hanging around, but on their side of the office it’s quiet. James clears his throat a few times and Mike stares studiously at his computer even though he isn’t doing anything. When James finally speaks up, it’s much louder than Mike expected and he jumps.

“Hey, Mike?” James says, and it sounds halfway between a greeting and a question.

“What’s up?” Mike responds, but doesn’t turn to look at him, suddenly very aware of the fact that James had rolled his chair over to Mike’s desk.

“Is everything,” James starts, but then stops. Mike can imagine the rest of the question, but doesn’t say anything. James tries again. “Are you mad at me?”

Now _that_ wasn’t what Mike expected. It catches him so off guard that he blurts out, “Of course not!” before he can even think about it.

Mike can see James frown a little out of the corner of his eye as he says, “Are you sure? Did I upset you?”

Mike turns to face James fully. Once he finally gets a look at him, he immediately wants to turn back around and possibly never look at him again. The afternoon sunlight catches his hair and makes him glow, and despite the frown on his face he is still as handsome as ever. It hurts, a little, knowing that someone else managed to get him all to themselves.

“You didn’t upset me,” Mike responds, trying his hardest to sound indifferent and unaffected.

James sighs and his tone gets a bit more bitter than before, “Stop bullshitting me. I can tell you’re bothered by something, just tell me.”

Mike has a feeling he isn’t getting out of this conversation alive. “It’s just some personal shit, don’t worry about it.”

“You can trust me with personal things,” James replies. His tone sounds disappointed and Mike starts to get annoyed. Isn’t that just _rich_? James couldn’t even tell him about his dating life and he wants Mike to share all his emotional problems in the middle of the damn office. 

Mike wants to just end the conversation, but something bitter and angry inside him can’t resist fighting back. “Just like you trusted me with your dating life? Your sexuality?”

James collapses back into his desk chair a bit more, looking both fed up and understanding at the same time. “Is that the problem? I didn’t tell _anyone_ , you know.”

“That’s not— That’s not the problem.”

“Then what _is_ the problem? Because it sounds like you’re mad that I kept something from you.”

“I _am_!” Mike exclaims, surprising even himself at the way he raises his voice. “But it’s nothing, whatever, who cares? Who am I to demand you tell me everything? I don’t even care. Date whoever you want.”

James can’t really think of anything to say, and Mike assumes the conversation is over. He turns back to his computer, opening up a video to edit even though he already finished it earlier that day. He starts clicking around, pretending to be busy, and he tries to say as impassively as possible, “I hope you have a good time with Sebastian.”

There’s more silence and then James offers, “We broke up.”

Mike hates himself for it, but he turns back to look at James. “What?”

“He was kinda high maintenance,” James offers, sounding a bit sheepish. “It’s weird dating another chef, he had such high standards for everything.”

Mike nods, even though he hasn’t had any experience in dating a chef and he thinks it could be quite nice, actually.

“Plus, he wasn’t really my type,” at this, James starts turning a bit red. “Too tall, too formal, and his hair was too dark.”

Mike can’t resist laughing at that. “His _hair_ was too dark?” he asks incredulously.

James shrugs and smiles a little bit, “I have a type, okay?”

Mike sobers up a bit at the reminder. Mike can imagine James’ type and there’s no way it’s ‘klutzy musician with low self-esteem’.

“Well, I’m sorry to hear that,” Mike offers, at a loss for how to continue this conversation. He doesn’t think this is what Jamie had wanted, but at least they seem to be on speaking terms again.

“It’s okay, I have someone else I’m interested in,” James responds. He sits up a bit straighter and despite his confident tone, his blush intensifies.

Mike’s stomach drops. This is not a conversation he wants to have—not now, not ever. He knows it’s hypocritical, because he just complained about not being let in to James’ life, but he was never someone with the most strict morals or values.

“Cool,” he manages to get out.

“They’re really hard-working, friendly,” James continues and Mike really wishes he would just shut up. “Really talented in the arts.”

“Nice.”

There’s a pause and James huffs in annoyance. “For fuck’s sake, Mike, I’m interested in you.”

If Mike thought his stomach dropped before, then his stomach just straight up exploded now. Along with his heart and basically all of his important organs. He can’t even think past the blood rushing in his ears. He can feel himself go red, and he imagines they look like a pair of red-faced idiots. James laughs, and he realizes he just said that out loud.

“Look, if you’re not… If you’re not interested, it’s fine,” James begins to backpedal furiously, something he tends to do fairly often, though normally the situation isn’t as serious. “I was just sharing. Just wanted you to know. That’s all. No pressure. In fact, forget I even said anything.”

Most people go quiet when they’re nervous but James? God, does he _talk_.

“It’s weird that I even brought it up, I’m sorry. Just because I like men and you like men… At least I think you do. You do, right? Sorry, don’t answer that. We were just getting along and I’ve made it weird. Just forget—"

Mike cuts him off with a hand over James’ mouth.

“Let me talk, okay?” James nods.

Mike takes a deep breath and then tries his best to explain all the thoughts he has, “For the longest time I assumed I had no chance. Which is fine, whatever, most people I have liked didn’t like me back. But then you had a _boyfriend_ and suddenly it wasn’t my gender that made me ineligible, it was just _me_. My personality, my looks, my inability to get my shit together.”

James tries to speak but Mike is still covering his mouth.

“Of _course,_ I’m interested in you too, are you kidding me? You’re gorgeous, you’re intelligent, you’re the most incredible person I’ve ever met. But I need a moment to even process that this is happening.”

James nods and Mike carefully removes his hand, but James doesn’t say anything. He watches Mike expectantly, noticing every emotion that crosses his face and feeling grateful that Mike was being so open and expressive for once.

Mike tries to imagine a future with them together, but he thinks he might have a heart attack if he thinks about it too long, so he focuses on the past instead. Every conversation, every touch, all of it being seen in a new light. Mike doesn’t want to say love—he can’t yet, honestly, it’s too much, too soon—but it’s something. Something more than high school girlfriends, something more than his tiny crush on Ben a few years ago, something more than anything the guys he meets in bars could provide him. It feels warm, comforting, it feels like the same way he felt when Barry said _sure, he could join full time_ , _just don’t slack off_.

“Okay.” Mike says and James looks at him with an unreadable expression.

“Okay?”

“Yeah, okay,” Mike finally smiles (in fact, he grins so wide it almost hurts) and James smiles back. Neither of them has any idea what exactly ‘okay’ means, but it’s enough for now.

 

 

 

By the time Christmas rolls around, they have decided to upgrade from “okay” to “actual fucking boyfriends, holy shit”. James is even planning to visit Mike’s family for the holidays, and Mike still feels a bit panicky about how fast that milestone is coming. But James just has to direct his dazzling smile in his direction and his demons quiet down a bit, letting him be happy for once instead of worrying. 

They still haven’t said anything to the boys, but they had obviously noticed the lack of tension when they came back from lunch that day. Mike starts arriving on time and James never mentions Sebastian again and the boys sigh in relief that the drama is over with. James is certain that Ben suspects something, but so far he hasn’t heard anything from his fellow chef, so maybe his worries are unfounded.

Of course, they plan to tell the boys soon, but for now they want to keep their little slice of happiness to themselves. Mike knows as soon as they say something, the jokes and innuendos won’t stop for at least six months, and he wants to have a happy holiday season before that all begins. James agrees, but suggests doing it sooner rather than later. Mike agrees without committing to anything, but he secretly plans to plant a New Year’s kiss on him whether the other boys were watching or not.

Mike can already picture their reactions. Ben will be supportive and kind, Barry won’t be able to stop himself from making a suggestive comment, and Jamie will cheer and propose a toast. (What Mike doesn’t know is that Ben will give him a serious talk about not hurting James, Barry will pass some cash over to Lucy, and Jamie will wrap them up in a hug while vehemently denying any tears in his eyes.)

And James? James will blush all the way to the tips of his ears but will grab Mike’s ass anyway, unable to back down from a challenge.

Mike can’t wait.

**Author's Note:**

> This wasn't beta-ed so please let me know if you notice any glaring errors! Title is from the song "The Tension and the Terror" by Straylight Run, I think it fits pretty well. :) As always: hit me up if you want in on the sorted discord. Thanks!


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